Tips to Being Successful In Online School (a satire)

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    Imagine being told a year ago that we’d be doing online school because of some global pandemic… I wouldn’t have believed it. Ironically, this so-called “pandemic” occurred almost exactly 100 years post the Spanish Flu outbreak in the 1920s. If this is an every century type thing, I think it’d be good to give advice to the kids of the future on how to be successful as an online student. Kids of the 2120s, listen up. Here’s 4 tips on how to pass online school:

  1. Always keep the mic on. Teachers love when they can hear the background noise of mom vacuuming and sister screaming. One of their favorites is when they can hear your phone. All the buzzing and chirping just makes them feel so listened to.

  2. Turn in your friends’ homework. Since we aren’t actually in school, we don’t need a physical copy of our own work. Just submit your friends completed work! It makes it easier for teachers because they don’t have to grade 28 assignments. Plus, they hate seeing each kid take time out of their busy, social lives to dedicate towards the class. Why have all 28 students learn the material when just 1 can carry the class?

  3. Don’t show up to every zoom, it kind of gets annoying. Clicking the “admit” button and taking remote attendance can be a lot for the teacher. Just do them a solid and only show up once a week. 

  4. Never answer their questions. Even the simple questions like “can you hear this” or “are we almost done”. Never answer them, it gives them so much guidance. 


Hopefully another pandemic doesn’t occur, but if one does at least the kids have this guide! If the students of 2120 follow these 4 tips, they will be very successful in online school. Best of luck!

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